Calleigh's Special Cupcakes
by WarricksGirl
Summary: The Miami-Dade dayshift CSIs notice that their supervisor is acting rather peculiar one Monday afternoon. What happens when they suspect's Calleigh's "special cupcakes" are to blame? Kinda DuCaine-ish, one-shot, a bit of a crackfic


Author's Note: Hello all, it's WarricksGirl again—aka LovelyLadiiZ. Yes, I'm still working on "Not Your Average Angel" under my other pen name. I just got an amazing idea for a parody and I _had to_ write it down.

Pairings: I originally wasn't intending on having parings, but as I was writing this, I realized that this leaned towards some _DuCaine_ romance (which is very odd considering I'm not a DuCaine shipper). There is also a brief mention of Natalia/Eric.

WARNING: Some of our beloved CSIs are very, _very, VERY_ OOC. Utter stupidity is highly likely. And you may not be able to watch Horatio say a one-liner or think of chocolate cupcakes without giggling after you read this. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. :P

**Read, enjoy, and REVIEW please!**

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><p>It's Monday afternoon at the Miami-Dade crime lab, and things are business as usual. The group of dayshift CSIs are on their breaks and congregate in the break room to eat their lunches.<p>

"Hey, Cal, have you seen Horatio today?" Ryan asks Calleigh as he strides into the break room.

Calleigh appears startled for a moment. She glances down to a half-eaten chocolate cupcake in her hands before stuffing it into her mouth and gulping it down quickly. "Uhh…no. No, I haven't," she says rapidly with a fervid shake of the head. "Why? Did someone say I did?"

Wolfe pauses briefly, confused at Calleigh's defensive tone. "No…I was just wondering. I need to talk to him."

The blonde sighs, almost in relief. "Oh. Well, no, I haven't seen him all day."

"Well…_I _have," Eric pipes up from the couch. He takes a bite of his granny smith apple. "Earlier in his office. But he's not really acting like himself today."

Ryan takes a seat on the plush couch next to his male coworker. "What do you mean?"

"It's weird, really. He was talking in riddles, and then he put his sunglasses on and ran away."

Wolfe stifles a laugh. "You're kidding, right? You've gotta be pullin' my leg."

"He's not, actually," Natalia says matter-of-factly as she joins her colleagues. "When I talked to Horatio this morning, he said a really bad pun, put his glasses on, and bolted for the door. The weirdest thing was that music started playing out of nowhere right as he left."

"Yeah I didn't get that either," says Delko before biting off another chunk of apple. "And what was with that music? Was it like The Beatles or somethin'? And what's the name of the song?"

Natalia ignores Eric's comment and turns to the other CSIs. "I think something's seriously wrong with Horatio."

"Hey, I've got a joke," Horatio interrupts the conversation, oblivious to the fact that his team members are discussing his sanity as he pops into the break room. "Does anyone wanna hear it?"

The CSIs exchange puzzled glances before nodding their heads simultaneously.

Horatio claps his hands and giggles, delighted. He clears his throat to regain his composure and says, "Okay, here goes. Knock knock."

"…Who's there?" Ryan says slowly.

"Boo."

The team apparently sees where this is going. Wolfe decides to humor his boss anyway and says, "Boo who?"

"Don't you cry…it was only a joke." Horatio slides on his glasses with a curious tilt of the head. With his last words being said and mysterious music dying out in the background, he suddenly and jarringly turns around and runs away.

Ryan cocks an eyebrow. "Oh-kay. You _weren't_ pulling my leg."

Eric doesn't hear Wolfe, however, for he is utterly lost in deep thought. "The Eagles?" The Latino says to himself, still trying to recall the artist of the song. "No, that isn't it…"

Natalia looks to Ryan and Calleigh, clearly worried. "What should we do? I mean, Horatio may have really gone off the deep end."

"Oh, you're overreacting, Natalia. I'm sure he'll be fine," the southerner reassures the younger female with a crooked—and almost guilty—smile.

"Oh-em-GEE!" Horatio blurts in an unusually high pitched voice as he bounces back into the break room. "Did you like my joke? Did ya? Did ya? Huh? Did ya?"

Silence attacks the room. Natalia looks to Calleigh, murmuring, "You were saying?"

The blonde grins at her supervisor. She walks over to the redhead, gently stroking his scarlet mane. "Yes, Horatio. It was a _very_ nice joke. Very good job, cupcake."

"Cupcake?" Natalia and Ryan parrot Calleigh's apparent pet name for the lieutenant.

"OOOH! CUPCAKES!" Horatio abruptly screams. "I like cupcakes! Especially the chocolate ones you made me last night, Calleigh!" H licks his lips and rubs his stomach at the blissful memory. "Mmm. Good ol' chocolate cupcakes. So yummy."

Ryan stares stupefied for a moment, then says, "Okay, H, you've got us. Apparently you're trying to pull an April fool's joke early this year."

Lieutenant Caine cocks his head to the side, fiddling with his shades as an intro to the classic rock song begins to echo throughout the lab. "You know what they say…fool me once, shame on you…" H dons his sunglasses and places his hands on his hips. "Fool me twice…shame on me."

"YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the song blares as Horatio darts away again.

Natalia and Ryan stare at each other in extreme bewilderment as the music begins to die out again.

"It can't be The Eagles," Eric murmurs. "Pink Floyd? Or The Rolling Stones?"

"Say, has anyone seen H?" Walter questions as he enters the break room with his fellow team members. "I've got somethin' on that case we're on and I need to talk to him ASAP."

An elongated silence precedes the CSIs responses.

"Uh, yeah," Wolfe finally says. "He, uh, just…left."

"Well, where'd he go?"

"I don't know exactly," Natalia murmurs slowly. "But whatever it is you have, you might wanna hold off telling him for a while."

Before the black man can ask Natalia why, Horatio approaches the group once more.

"Hey, H, I've got somethin' on that murder case," Walter says to the redhead. "Found some cat hair on our vic that comes from the same breed our suspect owns."

The beginning of the familiar tune begins to play as Horatio inspects his shades in his hands. He cranes his head to the side, speaking to Walter; "Well I guess the cat's…" He pauses to slip his silhouette sunglasses on, "…out of the bag now."

"YEAAAAAHHHHHH!" the singer cries as Horatio inexplicably disappears once more.

The lab suddenly grows quiet as the music fades away.

Walter quirks an eyebrow before shrugging his shoulders and muttering, "I don't wanna know," as he leaves the room.

"Led Zeppelin?" Delko says, munching absentmindedly on his apple as he's still perplexed on the song's artist. "Or is it The Grateful Dead?"

"Are you seriously _still_ talking about the song?" Natalia shouts, apparently growing irritated. "Horatio may've lost his marbles and all you can think about is who sings that stupid song?"

"I like marbles," a familiar deep voice croons. The CSIs turn around to see—who else?—Lieutenant Horatio Caine standing before them. "Especially the green ones. And the purple ones. But not the yellow ones. The yellow ones are icky." Horatio grimaces in disgust at the thought of yellow marbles.

"How did you get back here so fast?" Ryan says in amazement.

"That's my _ninja_ status," Horatio replies, waving his arms in front of him theatrically like a magician onstage. "I'm in stealth mode."

Everyone in the room appears confused, with the exception of Calleigh, who seems overjoyed. "Doesn't he say the cutest things?" she says with a giggle and plants a big wet kiss on the lieutenant's cheek.

"_Eeeeeeeewwwwww_! You kissed me! You have the _COOTIES_! Now I have the cooties!" Horatio wails as he frantically wipes Calleigh's saliva from his cheek. "Ewie! I got Calleigh-juice on me! Yuckie, yuckie, YUCKIE!"

The redhead bolts for the break room door and sprints down the hallway, screaming, "Yuckie Calleigh-juice! Get it off, get it OFF!"

"That's not what you said last night," Calleigh murmurs to herself with a devious laugh as she watches the man run down the corridor. Little does she know, her comment is audible to her coworkers in the room with her.

"Calleigh what _did_ you do with Horatio last night?" Ryan asks out of pure curiosity.

"Ew, don't ask that," Natalia intervenes. "I'm about to eat my lunch and I really don't wanna lose my appetite."

"Hey speaking of appetite, I'm hungry!" Horatio shouts as he reappears. "Anybody wanna share their lunch?"

An awkward stillness overcomes the room. Horatio apparently grows impatient and cries, "Hel-loooooo! I said I'm HUNGRIIIIIIEEEEE! I haven't eaten anything all day except for Calleigh's special cupcakes this morning. Doesn't anybody wanna share lunch with me?"

"Uh…H?" Ryan says slowly. "I think you'd better take the rest of the day off."

"Yeah," Natalia jumps in. "Maybe you should go home and come back tomorrow."

Horatio's expression suddenly grows serious. He dons his shades again as he says, "But Natalia, what is today…but yesterday's tomorrow?"

The cry of the rock singer's voice pierces the air once again, and once again Horatio mysteriously flees the CSIs presence.

Delko's eyes go wide and he abruptly drops his apple core to the floor. "Wait. Wait! THE WHO!" he screams as he comes to a realization. "_THAT'S_ who sings that song! Hey! Anybody know what the name of that song is?"

"I don't know, Eric," Natalia says slowly, as if she were talking to a four year old. "Why don't you go down to the record store and ask somebody?"

"Good idea!" Eric shouts and shoots up from his seat. "I'll go now!"

Natalia sighs as she strides to the fridge and pulls out a sack lunch she brought. "Sometimes I regret ever sleeping with that man."

Suddenly, Ryan sparks a theory. "Say Calleigh?" he begins. "Why does Horatio keep talking about cupcakes that you made?"

Calleigh opens her mouth to speak, but Horatio—who has, once again, magically appeared in the room—cuts the southerner off before she can say anything; "No, no, no, Mr. Wolfe. They're not just _any_ cupcakes. They're Calleigh's _special_ cupcakes! They're all moist and fluffy…like little clouds that melt in your mouth. OH! And there's sugar on top! Well…I _think_ it was sugar, anyway…it was all white and crystally—"

"Shush!" Calleigh abruptly cries. "Horatio, remember what I said last night?"

The lieutenant suddenly appears deeply contemplative. He furrows his brow as he tries to recall the blonde's words. "That we'd have a slumber party in my bed if I promised not to invite anyone else?"

"No, Horatio, not _that_…the other thing."

"What happens in my bedroom stays in my bedroom?"

"No, not _THAT_. The OTHER-other thing! About the cupcakes!"

"Uh…um…don't talk about the special cupcakes?"

"Yes," Calleigh says with a sweet smile. "Now run along to your office—I left some cupcakes on your desk."

"You did?" Horatio cries, enthusiastically pumping his fist into the air. "YESSSSS! Score one for the H-man!" The lieutenant then skips down the hall, singing, "Gonna get me some cupcakes…Calleigh's speshoooooo CUPCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES!"

It didn't take a rocket scientist—or even a crime scene investigator—to make the connection between Calleigh's _special cupcakes_ and Horatio's recent behavior.

"Calleigh, what'd you put in those cupcakes?" Ryan asks.

The blonde chuckles maniacally. "Wouldn't you like to know," she says in an unusually dark voice.

"Calleigh this is serious," Natalia jumps in. "Whatever you did to H, we're gonna have to report you to internal affairs—"

"Like hell you will, _bitch_!" The blonde abruptly shouts. "You will never, you hear me, _NEVER_ take me alive! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And with that, the ballistics specialist hastily sprints out of the break room, leaving an empty cupcake wrapper behind. Horatio runs after her, waving his arms and screaming,

"Calleigh! Calleigh, wait! I NEED MORE CUPCAKES!"

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><p><span>AN (2): So, there you have it. Review please? I'll give you one of Calleigh's special cupcakes… ;)


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